Our girls have been home for about 11 months now and Nardos had a moment of remembering last Thursday. She, at bedtime, suddenly started talking about things she remembered. I think she was finally feeling safe an vulnerable enough to open up. Beti was nervous, because she knew how hard those memories can be ~ even if they are good memories. And they were good memories. But, as she tried to settle down to go to sleep, she started to cry. I took her to the couch and asked her what was wrong. She said she missed her "Mommy". My Mom passed away three years ago, and that gave us common ground, so I told her that I missed my Mommy too. It was so hard to know what to say. We know so little about their circumstances and I didn't want to say something that wasn't accurate or helpful.
I knew that they had attended church with their family and that they came with a good understanding of spiritually related things, so I asked her if her Mommy loved Jesus. She said, "Oh, Yes". So I carefully proceded with "the Bible tells us that one day, all of the people that love Jesus will be together again." I wanted to be careful in my offer of Hope. She is young and VERY concrete ~ also not very patient! So, I told her that it would be a long time and that we had to be patient and trust Jesus to take care of the details, but that He promised it ~ therefore it will happen. She had some questions, but eventually perked up and with a smile said, "I have two Mommies!"
We cired for about an hour on the couch and several times since then. I told her she didn't have to cry by herself ~ she could come and I would cry with her anytime. A few days later, she was super sad and we had a chance to talk about how I was sure that her Ethiopia Mommy missed her too, but that she wouldn't want her to be sad all of the time. Sometimes, we get sad, and it's ok to be sad, but then we have to choose to let it go. She was responsive to that.
Now, when she mentions this topic, it sounds like this:
"What if my Mommy gets to heaven and doesn't have enough clothes?"
"Will we all stay in the same house?"
"I can't wait for you to meet her."
"I want your Mommy to meet My Ethiopia Mommy!"
"We are going to have so much fun!"
"What color will my coat be? I want pink with Princesses on it!"
My typical response is, "We will have to trust Jesus to take care of that detail."
I try hard to keep the answers real without crossing any biblical lines. Some people might think I am giving her false hope, but this hope is very real. It's just so hard to wait!